Category: Life Behind Bars

Story and Photos by Mark Shaffer (Editor’s note: Portions of the following were first published in May 2009 and August 2014. Thankfully, little has changed . . . )

Story and Photos by Mark Shaffer (Editor’s note: Portions of the following were first published in May 2009 and August 2014. Thankfully, little has changed . . . )

Beat the heat in downtown Beaufort with beverages and bar snacks Story and photos by Mark Shaffer It’s the time of year in the Lowcountry when all you have to do to break a sweat is walk outside; when the slightest bit of exertion raises a serious risk of spontaneous combustion. Our favorite way to avoid bursting into flames involves the combination of “conditioned air” (God bless you, Mr. Carrier) and alcohol (thank you, God). What follows is a breakdown of our favorite watering holes in the historic district. The research was exhaustive.

By Mark Shaffer Coach: What’s the story, Norm?Norm: A thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.                                     – Cheers, 1982-93 Now you’ve probably got that silly song stuck in your head. “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, blah, blah, blah.” Sorry. When we launched this column back in the dark ages before social media made everyone happier and more productive, we concluded each piece with a simple question: Cheers or Rick’s?

Story and Photos by Mark Shaffer Woody: “Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?” Norm: “Yep, now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?”             – From “Cheers” There’s a scene in Lawrence Kasdan’s classic 1985 western Silverado that’s stuck with me over the years. It’s the first meeting of Kevin Kline’s Paden and Linda Hunt’s diminutive saloonkeeper, Stella. Paden sips a whiskey and eyeballs the place, obviously impressed. She pours a drink and sizes him up.

The Old Bull Shakes Up the BIFF Cocktail   Each year the Beaufort Film Society commissions an official cocktail to help toast the film festival. This year festival runners Ron & Rebecca Tucker pay homage to Gaffney native and 2015 BIFF honoree, Andie MacDowell.

Walking into the bar at Sweetgrass is like taking a step back in time. There’s a classic feel to the room like a beach house from a long ago family vacation back in the days of wood paneled station wagons and transistor radios.

A Lowcountry Weekly guide to bar hopping the Downtown Historic District Story and photos by Mark Shaffer

A Lowcountry Weekly Guide to bar hopping the Historic DistrictPART ONE: THE WATERFRONTStory and photos by Mark Shaffer “The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”… says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. – Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy I’ve not noticed the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster on any local cocktail menus recently, but I’m guessing that if you walked into to some of these establishments and ordered one, you might just get it – or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Beaufort is, after all, known to be a quaint little drinking village with a fishing problem. That means there are plenty of options to consider when cocktail hour rolls around and quite a few more that open considerably earlier.

The first thing you notice as you walk into the Spaghetti Club is the gorgeous pine bar and the rustic mass that frames it. This time-worn collection of brick, board and plank looks as if it might have once served in some ancient and storied Lowcountry watering hole – a speakeasy, perhaps – rescued from the wrecking ball to be pieced back together on this genteel corner of Habersham.

“Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.” – W.C. Fields The origin of the Margarita is as cloudy as a shot of cheap mescal, but two stories have endured over the years with three things in common: women, tequila and Mexico.

Burgers like the ones that pack the house each Wednesday night at Maggie’s are way beyond the ordinary. What Chef Wilson & Company craft to order and commit to the plate has as much in common with the average fast food product as a Ferrari does with a Toyota Camry. They both may be automobiles, but the similarities end there. The hamburger is the classic American food, and every Maggie’s burger is an extravagant homage to that classic. So why wash it down with something . . . ordinary?

Story & Photo by Mark Shaffer There are two kinds of bars in this world: one kind pours booze while the other sort makes cocktails. The Old Bull Tavern makes cocktails. There’s a sense of a bygone era of elegance about the place in general and the bar in particular. It’s evident in the bar menu, where the short list of classic beverages includes old stalwarts like the Cosmopolitan and the Sazerac, with the drink’s origin referenced beneath the ingredients.

Your Guide to Drinking Downtown “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Frank Sinatra Like so many small coastal towns, Beaufort’s sometimes described as a quaint drinking village with a fishing problem.

I used to do TV news in Las Vegas (no, really) and around this time each year a meteorologist colleague of mine would hit the air and say something like, “Our forecast: Hot. Dry. Seek shelter or die. Our next forecast will be in October.” He wasn’t far off the mark. Indeed, forecasting the weather in a place like Vegas is a lot like falling off a log most of the time. Here, it’s a bit more complicated – we get to reason with the hurricane season. But the general approach is the same once the heat index approaches that of the hinges to the gates of hell: seek shelter. And as anyone familiar with this column knows, our preferred shelter comes with cocktails and bar snacks.

Old Town Bluffton has maintained its reputation as a sleepy little village even as the maelstrom of annexation and development has raged around it in recent years. Recently though, a mini-boom in the restaurant and bar scene is keeping Old Town up at night. On May River Road stalwart favorites like Pepper’s Porch and the May River Grill remain popular, while The Promenade offers a growing set of options all within a few steps of one another.

 In the interest of full disclosure I have to admit that I’m not usually a big fan of sports bars. In my experience (particularly in major cities) they tend to be overblown in almost every conceivable way. They’re too big, too noisy, too chaotic and almost always way too expensive. During a trip to Atlanta last spring we met friends out at a sports bar roughly the size of Turner Field only with fewer bathrooms. We proceeded to spend a relaxing evening screaming trivia answers across the table at one another surrounded by giant banks of video monitors, attended by servers in the usual skimpy pseudo-referee uniforms. How original.

When Life Behind Bars first debuted we included a kind of sliding bar scale explained thusly: “Like the crew of comically dysfunctional regulars holding down the stools at Cheers, or the desperate gin-soaked refugees from a world gone mad at Rick’s in Casablanca, sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name – or no one does. Or maybe some do and some don’t. Some places are more Cheers than Rick’s and visa versa while some are a bit of both.” I’m invoking this scale once again, although something tells me this time there may be changes.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” –  Humphrey Bogart Vintage. That’s definitely the vibe here. The place feels like a beach house resurrected from a family vacation of the long, long ago days of wood paneled station wagons packed to the roof with a summer’s worth of promise.  Right through the door there’s a classic feel, a definite island vibe but without the usual kitschy accoutrements, just a few well-placed, well-chosen touches, as if left by a succession of summer visitors. An old camera and super-8 projector adorn a side table.

After a complete make over the waterfront icon is still the same as it ever was and more like it always should have been. Story and photos by Mark Shaffer (additional photos by Riann Mihiylov Photography) When I told my sister that Plum’s had undergone a major expansion and renovation, she gasped. Like hundreds – maybe thousands – of seasonal visitors, she’s been a regular for most of the restaurant’s 22 years. The mere thought of any sort of change to the beloved waterfront icon simply smelled of desecration. I have since assured her that nothing could be farther from the truth. Relax, Sis. They got it right. But it took a real leap of faith.