The Odd Man Out
Dear Aunt Bossy,
I have a great group of girlfriends and we have so much fun going out together. I also have a great man. My problem is that my friends come from a high socio-economic group with all that implies, including education and professions.
I am very smart, pretty and fun, so I don’t have any difficulty fitting in, but my man is rougher around the edges than the husbands of my friends, and does not, as they say “move in the same circles.” The result of this is that we do not get invited as a couple. I know my guy doesn’t care, but it hurts my feelings and makes me feel inadequate. What should I do?
First of all, check your assumptions. Maybe your friends aren’t judging your man at all, and perhaps they don’t socialize together with their guys.
Maybe the fellows are the snobs, and your friends are choosing the battles in their marriages and this isn’t one they want to fight. Another consideration is finances. If they like to go to very expensive places, they may not want to put you in a costly situation. There are all sorts of explanations.
If I were you, I’d forget it. If one of your friends has not offered an explanation and you don’t want to ask, just keep enjoying your tribe and your guy. Nobody says it has to be a package deal.
Dear Aunt Bossy,
I do not understand people who refuse to discuss politics or who say they don’t pay attention to politics. How can we ever change things if we don’t discuss them or pay attention to them? I also think these people have some kind of weird superiority complex, like talking about the down and dirty goings on in the White House is beneath them. It infuriates me. A lot of them are not smart enough to know what is going on, but if they would be open to hear other peoples’ opinions it would change their lives.
I spend most of my time trying to expose this administration and am exhausted from the hate I feel at the condition of our country. It affects everything – my social life, my business life, my sleeping.
All I want to do is to get people to discuss things so they will see the light and help us save ourselves from this disaster of a Presidency. What can I do?
Firstly, do not assume that the reason people don’t want to discuss their views is because they feel superior or don’t know what is going on in the world. I imagine most of them want to avoid pointless and volatile conversations that result in nothing but more of that hatred you mentioned.
When people tell you they don’t discuss politics or are not interested in politics, it is probably that they are seeking peace and don’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest to no end. Basically, they are being polite.
As for you: being furious to the point where your life is getting damaged should be your immediate concern. You are basically waging a war on your mental and emotional wellbeing, which could affect your physical well-being too. As they say “All politics are local.” Start with yourself. You can’t get more local than that
Read a vast spectrum of thought so you can learn why other people may feel differently than you, or agree with you for different reasons. Purposely interact with people you suspect don’t share your viewpoints. Learn how to talk to them about something other than politics and, whatever the topic, don’t force other people to share their opinions with you.
Bottom line: Don’t let other people live in your head rent-free and don’t try to homestead in someone else’s head. Who knows? You may find out the state of things isn’t as dreadful as you think.