Not to my Taste!
Dear Aunt Bossy,
My husband gets upset with me because I don’t like to try new foods and won’t eat many of the dishes he loves. He loves liver, escargot, caviar, pate, and even kidneys and brains. No way will I let those things near my mouth.
My husband makes fun of me and says I am uptight, unadventurous, and a bad influence on our two children. He won’t let up, and it not only hurts my feelings, but is beginning to make me feel resentful and nervous in restaurants where I am not in charge of the selection.
Who is right here?
There is no right or wrong in your choice of foods. It isn’t a moral issue. However, what is a moral issue is how he treats you.
Next time he starts needling you, say, “You know it doesn’t make me a bad person that I don’t share your taste in food. I love you and want you to enjoy your dinner, and want you to feel the same way about me. As for the kids, I think having parents who don’t bicker over little stuff is far more important that whether or not I eat foods I don’t like.”
If that doesn’t shut him up, get counseling. Really. He has no business being aggressive about a matter of personal taste that does not affect him in the slightest.
It may be that he is so insecure that he needs you to like everything he likes, or it may be that he is in love with control. Either way, you shouldn’t have to suffer because of his neurosis.
Dear Aunt Bossy,
My sister and I share some friends, although acquaintances might be a better description. She is jealous of me for whatever reason people are jealous, and takes things I say out of context and repeats them in order to create divisions between our friends and me.
For example, she recently asked me if I thought a friend of ours had had a recent facelift. I responded, “I hadn’t thought about it, but now that you mention it, I wonder.” Next thing I know, she has told our mutual friend that I said I thought she had a facelift.
My sister is the one who brought it up, and I was not being the least bit nasty to say I wondered. First of all, I don’t care.
Another time we were talking about how tiny and delicate a friend is. I said, “She doesn’t look very strong.” Of course, my sister ran and told the woman that I said she was weak.
How shall I handle this?
I am sorry to say that in the future you should not say anything, no matter how innocent, about your friends or acquaintances in front of your sister. Just compliment them. Sis won’t like that. She will be thwarted if you deny her the thrill of gathering tidbits to repeat, so that kills two birds with one stone. You get to smack her AND nip the gossip in the bud. (Excuse the multi-leveled metaphor, but at least “birds” and “buds” share garden space)
As for the people who listen to twisted sis, don’t worry about them. If they aren’t smart enough to question why your sister would be so eager to tell them bad things, they aren’t smart enough to be your friends.
It wouldn’t hurt to feel sorry for your sister. She isn’t happy.