Well Fashionistas, here it is Spring again, my favorite time of year! Time to shed the woolens and move into the cottons; I am excited! Here is a question from a reader that hits on a topic that is not only pertinent to the season, but also could be the elephant in the living room for many women.
May this provocative question be forever resolved!
Dear FASHIONGRANNY,
I cannot stand it another minute! What is “it”? My husband’s feet! What is up with men and their feet?
As the warmer weather approaches, my man is going to ditch his shoes and move into sandals exposing those “things” for the entire world to see! I am embarrassed. They are bad enough to look at in the privacy of our home, not to mention the scars I have from bedtime jagged toenail hooks! How do I convince him to take better care of them?
Signed, Scarred for Life
Dear Scarred for Life,
The elephant has landed! I am convinced that every woman who is reading this column is breathing a sigh of relief and laughing her toenail polish off! You have just exposed a topic that is not general conversation at the roundtable, but continues to perplex women of all ages! I thank you!
I have questioned this anomaly many times myself. Before I was married, I dated a man who dressed like the Duke of Windsor, but come beach or pool time, and the $1500 handmade leather shoes made from baby komodo dragons, stitched by blind Italian monks at a monastery in a secret location were removed, Pow! What appeared were appendages that resembled rotting, barnacled manatee flippers more than human feet! Help me Lord!
I remember reluctantly asking him “was there something I should know about his feet, did he have a disease and could I help?” That went over like two lead balloons and we never dated again. Like I cared. The thought of a lifetime relationship with the Creature from the Black Lagoon in a Brioni suit was enough for me to move on!
I then put on my Husband wish list,” Beautiful Feet.” Now, let me qualify that for single women who have yet to marry. Your prospective Husband should have what I call “used” feet.
These feet are commensurate with his chronological age. This is part of life and the aging process and it will happen to everybody as long as they are living. What ran through my mind with this particular fellow was,” Can I live a lifetime of intimacy with a man with yellow feet? The answer was NO! I do not want to be married to Howard Hughes. If you ever saw the 1990’s movie with Eddie Murphy called “Boomerang,” you will recall the scene in which Eddie is dating an awesome looking chick. I mean she is gorgeous! In an intimate moment, the camera pans slowly downward on her beautiful body from head to toe and finally arrives at her feet. The joke is, after all that beauteous anticipation, her toes are twisted and flaky with every nail broken off in a different direction, including various colors of chipped polish! Very funny, and not so uncommon!
Everything has to match up. The inside has to shine like the outside!
I will use the example of people who drive the brand new, latest and greatest vehicle, but the interior is filled with fast food wrappers and various and sundry “important” trash. Something’s wrong here, people!
My suggestion is called Manscaping 101.
To you, Scarred for Life, and to all women married and single who are suffering the same dilemma, give your significant other a gift certificate for a pedicure. You could also make it a double date pedicure!
I am sure he will balk at first, but once you get him to Miss Happy’s
Nail Salon and all the pretty, masked bandit professionals sit him down and he is treated as a King to a foot massage including care and service every man dreams about, he will be sold on the idea! Of course this could open up another can of worms, if then every time he goes out he is going for a pedicure! Just joking! I believe it will please him and that is what we want to do for our sweethearts, isn’t it? You will be happy too! Bonus round!
Once his feet are in order and no longer an environmental danger, you yourself can give him a pedicure and, from personal experience I can tell you, this will bring you closer together.
My final note is that you should make sure your feet are in order too. It is Springtime, and more than likely you will be wearing open shoes. Well-maintained feet and hands are part of dressing well – and fashionably – says FASHIONGRANNY, so if the shoe fits, wear it!
