SusanMurphy-2015What Moves Us Closer to Our Goals?   

Dear Aunt Bossy,

As a South Carolinian who has lived other places in the US and abroad, it upsets me so much to hear us described as barbarians because an insane young man with no strong moral or social foundation slaughtered innocent and good people.

We South Carolinians have joined hands and hearts – as we do every day in our lives– to pay peaceful respect to the dead and to give the message that this kind of hateful and racist behavior is not all right with us.

Some of us do not think that outlawing guns is the answer, just as we don’t think outlawing cars is the answer to traffic fatalities, which are far more common than gun fatalities. We understand that everyone does not agree on how to stop the destruction of our society and a descent into hateful anarchy, but we all agree something must be done to reverse the tide of what seems to be a decaying culture.

My great sickness is over the message that much of the press is pushing. They paint us as closet racists no matter our speech and actions. We are being damned because of thoughts that those who don’t even know us assume we have. This inflames people and makes people question the good will of their neighbors.

How can we change this? It is a dis-service to the fine and loving people of South Carolina.

Southern Girl


Dear SG,

The only thing you can do is to show love to all with whom you come in contact. We of South Carolina know the truth, and there is nothing we can do to sway those who demonize us, much less the press who find more readers with hate than they do with love, unless, of course it involves kittens. Just keep being who you are, reach out, and treat all with kindness.

The families of the martyrs of Charleston are wonderful examples for us all. Most of us will never suffer anything so horrifying, but they responded with great love in spite of their pain, and in spite of the advice of much of the press to let furor replace the love in their hearts and minds. (Faith is a choice and can often appear unreasonable.)

Furor never changed anything. Love changes everything.

Aunt Bossy

P—–d Off

Dear Aunt Bossy,

My fiancé misses the target with great frequency. He doesn’t even hit the rim, but leaves little puddles on the floor. He denies this and becomes furious when I point it out and ask him kindly to be more mindful.

This behavior disgusts me, but I don’t know what to do, especially since he won’t acknowledge the behavior, much less talk about it.

What can I do?


Dear PO,

Probably not much, but, just for your sanity, I would put a towel down in front of the target and just throw it in the wash.

What I would do is reconsider your engagement. I do not doubt that the floor isn’t the only thing for which this man has no consideration. His behavior does not bode well for a happy relationship

Good luck,

Aunt Bossy

Aunt Bossy is Susan Murphy, an internationally known Communication Skills Coach who adores spending every winter and spring in Beaufort. Ask for advice at

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