The spiritual path can be lonely at times, especially when you start off. I remember being a kid and feeling so thrown off by what I believed life should be like versus what life actually was that I just assumed I was crazy. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I found anyone who thought even remotely similar to me in Neale Donald Walsch with his book, Conversations with God. For anyone seeking a different perspective on Divine truth, it’s a must read.
Neale came to me at a pivotal point in my life. I was going through a rough breakup. I found myself studying a major in college that didn’t resonate with my soul. Depressed and alone, I felt very much unhappy.
I first heard an excerpt of Conversations with God on YouTube. The premise of the book goes like this: Neale starts by writing a spiteful, indignant letter full of confusions and contortions aimed at, in his words, “the greatest victimizer of them all,” God.
Neale, when starting this dialogue that eventually became the book, was going through a similarly decisive point in his own life. The book revolved around a succession of questions I believe many of us entertain, especially when the cloud of difficulty shrouds the sunshine of happiness in our lives: “Why isn’t my life working?”, “What would it take to get it to work?”, “Why can’t I find happiness in relationships?”, “Is the experience of adequate money going to elude me forever?” and finally, and most emphatically, “What have I done to deserve a life with such continuing struggle?” To Neale’s surprise as he scribbled out the last question, the pen began to move on its own and out came: “Do really want an answer to all these questions or are you just venting?”
Conversations with God, is exactly what the title conveys. In Neale’s book, God would go on to answer all of the common, but nevertheless, spiritually arcane questions all of us Earth beings have with love, compassion, empathy and renewal. This book gave way to one of my many resurrections and rebirths in my life as it allowed me to come forth into the world as a butterfly who was told caterpillars can’t fly.
I’m unsure as to if it was spiritual readiness that delivered Conversations with God to me, or I simply needed it drastically. Nevertheless, this moment resonated with the age-old axiom, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
On your quest through the many stages of continued enlightenment, you will come to realize that the “teacher” doesn’t always come in an easily recognizable form like Santa Claus coming down the chimney—jolly, bearing easily identifiable gifts with your name on them. Quite often, your teacher will appear in the form of those who you dislike or even find repulsing.
Negative emotions: anxiety, fear, depression, resentment—all sages in disguise. Let this truth stand: everything that comes to you in this lifetime, both internal and external is meant to teach you who you truly are—one with God.
My most recent tutor showed up at a time in my life when I was just introspective enough to catch the hint. I had been training everyday like an overzealous gym bro hyped up on steroids. However, the gym I checked into everyday was an internal one and my weights were the changing internal states of resonance I experienced.
I watched all of my feelings with intent focus like a National Geographic photographer attempting to snap the perfect picture of the elusive snow leopard. If I felt irritable, I searched until I found the cause (usually not eating enough or having enough water). If something made me feel angry, I spent time unpacking what the actual fear was behind my indignation, then I held my inner child’s hand as I looked under the bed for the monster.
I felt so good, so in tune, so much like “I got this! I’m an emotionally mature, spiritual badass!” But then, per the usual, The Universe reminded me that there’s always more to learn.
A coworker just so happened to enter my life in an exact window of opportunity where I was able to see and understand how much further I had to go on my path. This individual brought up judgmental thoughts within my mind, anger, resentment, frustration, and a myriad of other synonyms used in place of “f*** them!”
Everyday this person made me question my feelings when I was around them. Their presence shed light on all the areas of misunderstanding regarding the Divine truth of reality that I needed to shine light on. I was being shown which areas of my spiritual foundation still needed strengthening.
The frequency of non-judgement has always been something I have sought to assimilate myself with. So therefore, when I was ready, The Universe sent me, what I have come to realize was, a younger version of me. “Gotcha,” said God.
In referencing my interactions, the quieter I became and the more I watched my feelings, the easier it became to see myself in this other person that was bringing me so much perceived vexation. I knew the seed that blossomed into the lotus flower that I was, so therefore I was able to understand the muddy waters that this flower in front of me had to traverse as I had come from that same pond.
How? Why would I judge myself knowing that through experiencing the process of spiritual juvenileness, I found myself at maturity? If I were to take away the path behind me, I would no longer find myself…here.
So, when anger or frustration arises within my beingness when I’m around this person, those feelings are gently washed away by the sweet spring rain of grace. I see myself in them. In this case empathy feels more aligned with truth than anger.
In your day-to-day life watch your inner feeling states. Try to understand what any adverse feelings are coming to teach you about you. Maybe you need to drink more water or sleep more. Perhaps you get so angry in traffic because you need let go of the need to control. It’s quite possible that your need for control stems from childhood trauma that needs healing and love.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear, but be careful to realize your greatest teachers will don the masks of fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and perhaps most consistently, of those around you who you don’t like.
Think of it like this: are you going to be happy when everyone around you always behaves in the manner that is acceptable to you, or are you going to be happy when externally changing people, situations, and circumstances have no effect on your internal mood? Which choice seems within your bounds of control?
