A snap of the fingers aggrandized by a contemptuous and pretentiously unencumbered disposition emulates the Accio summoning spell from J.K. Rowling’s imaginary world of witchcraft and wizards. This is the stuff that “woo-woo” is made of, right? Humans with supernatural abilities garnered by some divine right. Who amongst you denounces magic? I have seen this enchantment firsthand, its success so profound and consistent, it would have easily lifted Lazarus from the bowels of the earth. I assure you this is no dream I am recounting. This is not the third installment of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows I am referring to. This, my friends, is real life tangible magic. Listen for a moment as I persuade the skeptics.
Working in the restaurant industry as a bartender and waiter has probably been one of the most challenging things I have done in my life from a spiritual perspective. It goes like this: you claim your inherent spiritual rights to peace, abundance, patience, understanding, health, wealth, and well-being and then (insert whatever your word for your higher power) sends you a variety of situations, circumstances, people, places, and events that challenge that claim. Like, wtf!?
Heed my warning, oh ye faithful and childlike, if you wish to become any constructive adjective ending in (er), you at once accept challenge as a lifelong companion. Our increased muscle capacity comes only as a result of increased resistance; we must lift heavier, run farther and longer to unlock the defining attributes of strength and endurance. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that Spirit would send you situations that are tempestuous if your desire is to become more peaceful.
One of my prayers was to cultivate such a place of internal peace, that I was unaffected by anything “troublesome” in my external world. I wanted to be in this God space where I saw everything as a blessing or opportunity, to see life through the eyes of a benevolent creator. My prayers were answered, but not by a descending dove and a voice from heaven announcing my dignity, but by a small rather impotent man, yelling at me about his wife’s lasagna.
The awkward silence that followed his tirade, accompanied with my unwavering eye contact must have exemplified my disposition far better than any words could have; you know how dogs or cats get that crazy look in their eyes right before they are about to lash out? Well, I’m sure, even though speechless, my look must have resembled that black momma, don’– play–with–me type look that immediately gets a child to behave. By virtue of the naive state of confusion I found myself in, I was temporarily removed from my body. This must be some kind of animal- like territorial display, I inferred from this alternative perspective. Is he really this mad about food!? I told him the lasagna takes longer than anything else, I thought to myself.
The not–so–silent silence seemed like it lasted for an eternity as time ceased to exist. In a mere moment, I contemplated the pros and cons of reacting from a place of hereditarily garnered South Side of Chicago-esque “I don’t play that sh#t” type– energy. I thought better of reacting, and instead I just walked away from the tongue lashing I was enduring. To my surprise that same small, rather impotent man followed me to continue to yell at me.
This isn’t the first instance I nor any of my comrades in the food and beverage industry have found ourselves in. It’s almost a daily occurrence that we interact with someone who is rude, impatient, angry, ungrateful, and even vengeful—I mean Old Testament fire and brimstone version of God vengeful. The quandary is that it’s just food. In no other arena have I ever witnessed the level of unforgiving zealous vehemence that some restaurant patrons display whenever something doesn’t happen exactly the way they want it to.
To understand the quandary of the discourteous restaurant patron, my inquisitive mind led me to a psychology term called “displacement.” Displacement is one of the brain’s defense mechanisms (the way in which the ego fends off a stressor). As displacement goes, the ego will shift the stress elsewhere from the actual problem at hand to an area where there is a reduced risk of an antagonistic effect. Example of displacement: Dave’s boss yells at him. Dave comes home and yells at his wife. Dave’s wife yells at their son. Their son kicks the dog. This behavior is also referred to as the “kicking the dog” theory. In the restaurant industry, the waiters, waitresses, and bartenders are often “the dog.”
I understand that it may be the wait staff’s fault sometimes, or that some restaurant patrons receive bad service. But any one of us can catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar. The next time you receive subpar service, just talk to your waiter, waitress, or bartender. Make a human connection. You could say something like, “Is everything going okay with you today? It feels like you’re not being as attentive with our table as you are with others.” I guarantee if you say anything along those lines, you will get the best service you’ve ever received after that.
There should be an international law implemented which establishes that, in order for an individual, group, or family to have the ability to seek out service at an establishment that offers food, beverages, or a combination of the two, at minimum one of the individuals from said group or family must have had been employed by and worked in an establishment that offers food, beverages, or a combination of the two for no less than 2 weeks.
Things almost never happen exactly the way we want to in life. When faced with the aspect of disappointment we are given the opportunity to see our evolutionary progress from a mental, emotional, and spiritual point of view. Perhaps things don’t go your way sometimes so that you can get out of your own way. Perhaps your irascibleness is what is really blocking your happiness.
