Dear FASHIONGRANNY,
At the risk of doing my own publicity…I have a great figure. I’m in shape and all the good stuff that goes along with it. I am 32 years old and have just bought myself a screaming hot new bathing suit. Looking in all the fashion magazines, I see that wearing heels with your swimsuit seems to be the new look and I love it! It makes your legs look longer and sexier. What do you think of this fashion fad?
Signed, Young and Lovely
Dear Young and Lovely!
It’s great to hear from a young woman who is sure of her look and admires herself the way you do. Perhaps many other gals feel the same way about themselves, but they don’t express it so freely, and in writing no less!
As I read your question, I could hear my Mother saying “pretty is as pretty does,” and so in all your bravado, I pass that jewel on to you to hold as your own.
Heels with a bathing suit. Hmmm… let me think about that. OK. I did. FASHIONGRANNY’S advice is NO. A resounding NO!
Of course in fashion magazines they are going to pair anything from heels to cockatoos with any and all clothing just to make an interesting picture. This is the work of a stylist and there are good stylists and bad stylists. Bad stylists find the need for props and don’t rely on the clothing and the environs to tell the story.
Take, for example, a designer featuring his or her new leather collection. A bad stylist would insist on putting leather with either motorcycles, handcuffs or weapons, indicating that leather is only worn by bad girls and boys who have a penchant for S&M or criminal behavior. A good stylist might place the leather collection against a backdrop of black and white cows in a rolling field of green grass and the bluest of skies, with maybe a buffalo for effect, letting the clothes speak for themselves with the cows indicating the origins of the leather. The good stylist is just as “artsy” as the first, but because people look to these magazines to lead, they often buy the whole photo and all its props.
I ask you to think about where and when heels are worn with bathing suits:
• Las Vegas at hotel pool parties, by the likes of Hugh Hefner’s exes and Maxim girl wannabes.
• Somewhere at any given time by a pole dancer in a roadside strip joint.
It definitely is a “look,” but not the look that a gorgeous young lady such as you wants to portray. If I am wrong about you and you do want to portray this look, as described above, remember the consequences that attach themselves to this mode of dress and don’t get indignant when Mad Dog or Killer makes unwanted advances toward you or you end up with a roofie in your drink. Word.
On the lighter side, what if you twist your ankle while promenading poolside, break your good Jimmy Choos, fall into the pool, or worse, break a leg? What if you go to the beach and get stuck in the sand, unable to move while onlookers laugh uncontrollably at your gyrations to free yourself?
Ditch the heels, get a French pedicure and dance blithely toward your destination beautifully, naturally and with aplomb. That’s sexy and will never go out of style!
Dear FASHIONGRANNY,
Do you have an opinion on people chewing gum in public?
Signed,
Miss Wrigley
Dear Miss Wrigley,
Why yes, I do have an opinion on men and women chewing gum, and I am glad you asked.
I will give you my answer and leave you to make your own decision.
Here goes:
The only difference between a person chewing gum and a cow chewing its cud is the intelligent look on the cow’s face.
Hope this helps!
