fashion-grannyDear FASHIONGRANNY,

It is said, “As you get older, when you look down you will see your Mother’s hands sticking out of your sleeve.” I look down and see my Father’s hands sticking out of my sleeve! I’m not really complaining, and I’m glad to have hands, but I do need help in improving the look of my hands and nails. Will certain colors of polish detract from my “Father’s hands“? Help!

 Signed, Dr. T

Dear Dr. T,



Did someone tell you that one of FASHIONGRANNY’S all-time favorite movies is “The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T”? If not, we are in parallel realities Doc! I love my life!

I get a feeling from your inquiry, that you are unhappy with your mitts. Duh!

As I read your question, do I hear your Dad’s hands were unattractive or just manly and as a woman, you don’t want manly hands? I’m getting on the “manly hands” train.

It is true, your hands will suffer during the aging process and there is very little you can do about it short of a transplant. It is like your neck, elbows and knees. None of these parts get any better with age! I am a witness!

Back in the day, and in her cups, FASHIONGRANNY would tell prospective suitors that she was at least 10-15 years older than she was. I did this purely for attention and the hope that the gent might say,”Oh no! You cannot be that old! You look fabulous!”

I would then blush and flutter a bit feeling oh so attractive! (Remember I was in my cups).

One day I pulled this twisted tired gimmick for the last time as the kindly gent replied,” I thought so! I could tell by your hands!” Oh, the agony of defeat!

FASHIONGRANNY suggests that first and foremost, you get over yourself. You said in your query, that you are “glad to have hands,” and trust me on this, if all your digits are working and you can still lift your cup in a toast, tie your shoes or point at the big diamond in the jewelry store window, this is as good as it gets!

After acceptance comes maintenance. Here are some tips for you, and if you follow them, you will definitely see a difference.

Regular manicures

Request hot wax treatments and do no let your manicurist cut your cuticles, just push them back. They will get hard and build up relentlessly if they are cut regularly.

Hand massages

Whether your manicurist offers this service or not, does not mean you cannot do so for yourself. With a great hand lotion or cream, massage each hand, and each finger, moving to and including your wrist and so on. This will increase the blood flow and blood flow is good. Your hands will look and feel invigorated! Like when you were young, remember?

Natural Nail Polish in clear or buff pink tones, like your natural nails.

This is specific for you, as a bright color will make your hands stand out.

Use hand creams every chance you get.

Carry a tube with you. A hand cream with silicone is preferable. It is silky and not greasy, absorbent, and you can wash a few dishes without the cream washing away, as the silicone acts somewhat like Teflon.

Do not wear an excess of rings. Enough said.

Hands, just like your face, develop character with age. There is wisdom in both. You can tell so much about a person by their hands .Pretty much one’s entire life portrait is in the hands. My hands don’t look like they used to. Yet when I find myself staring at them (old age or flashback induced), I truly see my life and my accomplishments.

I see memories like the gerbil bite from nursery school, the soothing thumb I used to suck as a child and the scar from my penknife I got at Camp Timbertall, when I thought I was a whittler! I also see a combination of my parent’s hands and those memories are hard to beat. Take my advice Dr. T, it will work. There’s nothing up my sleeve, it is all in the hands!



I am considering having a professional Spray-On suntan. Does this process last longer than a do-it yourself over the counter self -tanner?


Signed, Ms. Orange Ankles


Dear Ms. Orange Ankles,

Come on! You must have been in a spray-on booth once to have orange ankles! My immediate advice is don’t go there again! You were robbed!

To my surprise, I don’t have an answer for you taken from my personal plethora of experience!

I just know what I see in regards to spray tans. I have never seen a spray tan that I liked. I am sure that all the folks who own these establishments are not too happy with me but, the walking advertisements I have seen do have an unmistakable orange glow and that’s hard on the eye. Kind of like the Oompa Loompas from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

What I do know is that the Sun will kill you, so if you must change your skin color a self-tanner or a spray -on is an answer. These options appear safe. (Read the labels.) My advice is, when you see a lady with a beautiful healthy, sunny glow, go up and ask her how she got it. Do whatever she does, bar sunbathing.

My thoughts on tanning are not the ordinary sort. I am old enough to remember the Coppertone advertisements, with the little fair-haired pigtailed girl and her freaky dog pulling her panties down to reveal a tan line! Then you would see in another magazine a woman of color hawking a bleaching cream to lighten her skin! One wanted to be dark, the other light, give me a break!

Watch out! FASHIONGRANNY is getting ready to preach! We were created the way we are supposed to be. Our skin tone is our skin tone. Warmed by the Sun from daily life gives us a rosy and lively hue! This is natural and very becoming, but tanning per se is a FASHION TREND and it is a bad one. Bad fashion is bad fashion. As far as “which tan will last longer?“ My question would be, Don’t you want to be the one who lasts longer, and not the melanoma or altered skin state? I want to be the best-looking woman above ground! How about you?

Did I answer your question?


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