“Love is not a feeling. Love is the witness of every feeling.” –Matt Khan
Usually in my Wholly Holistics columns I pepper the reader with questions to inspire deliberation, digestion, then, ultimately decisiveness. Some of that may happen with Acceptance Speech, but I want to let you in on my process, as I process. Lately, I’ve been meditating on unconditional love versus unconditional acceptance. As always, take what works for you and recycle the rest.
First, let’s talk about the aforementioned decisiveness. True, it’s always preferable to know what you shouldn’t do, but if you aren’t enlightened to dead ends and endless rabbit holes in a situation, then you need to eff around and find out. Two people I have known in positions of authority come to my mind as examples here. One may not have been the most popular, nor did everyone like the decisions he made, but at least he made them. The other just talked and talked, then disappeared to count paperclips when it mattered. Which guy do you think got more accomplished, not to mention was more respected? Sure, there were missteps, but, as the old saying goes, “If you ain’t making mistakes, you ain’t doing s***”.
Do you ever feel like you’re in an episode of Star Trek? Not one of those cute ones like Trouble with Tribbles, but one of those life and death ones like Space Seed (the original series episode where Khan, the greatest Star Trek villain of all time, is introduced). One of my favorite episodes, a fan favorite, for good reason, is The City on the Edge of Forever.
The City on the Edge of Forever is basically an alternate reality discussion about what would happen if the Allied Forces lost WWII and Hitler was able to wrest control of the world. Scary thought, no doubt, but from the perspective of living a global tragedy such as a world war, there had to be doubts all along the way. As an amateur historian, I know this truth conceptually. Early in the American involvement in WWII, we need only look to the Battle of Midway in the Pacific theater for such an example. Doolittle’s Raiders emerging from Shangri-La over Japan was more symbolic, so Midway was getting down to the nitty gritty of saltwater conversion plants. Crazy AF, no doubt. Of course, the European theater’s most doubtful time came leading up to D-Day, an epic global event if there ever was one.
The question that The City on the Edge of Forever episode asks is would you allow a virtual earth angel to die to preserve the history we now know as fact? The actress who plays Edith Keeler was, none other, than Joan Collins. What happens when you accept that history is what it was? Before D-Day, there was no history to accept. It’s a consideration worth pondering.
The question this column posits is what concept and practice is the healthiest, least nebulous, most practical, unconditional love or unconditional acceptance? I think and feel they’re easily confused. I’m not sure if I ever heard the term unconditional acceptance, so we’re just gonna say I came up with it. It just came to me one day. Since that day, I’ve tried it out internally as things come up in my mental zone—in my aura.
The reason I feel this notion of unconditional acceptance has merit is the pressure release I feel when I employ it. I can hear you now, “Well shouldn’t we love everyone unconditionally, Sutty”? Sure, I don’t know how realistic that is on this side of the veil, but sure, such a thing as love deserves the ole college try. This is why I feel accepting life as it presents is more realistic.
“But this has worked for me forever, Sutty.” Those that know me know that I listen to a bunch of sports talk, all day, every day. One of my favorite quotes that has many life lessons outside of sports comes from NFL hall of famer, Shannon Sharpe. Love me some Club Shay Shay. I digress. Anyway, Mr. Sharpe reminds his viewers often to, “Never accept in victory what you wouldn’t accept in defeat.”
How does all this relate to one’s self-relations? Anytime one is trying to control or delete emotions and feelings by attempting to alter the outside world, it’s a breadcrumb to a place within that needs quality time. What I’m really saying is that accepting those nasty and embarrassing qualities of yourself allows you to acknowledge, gain relief, formulate a gameplan, then move on to a bigger and brighter stage.
Be mindful that accepting doesn’t mean condoning. Be careful here. The best way to think of it is that you wouldn’t nor shouldn’t condone certain behaviors from others. When has enabling ever worked out in the long run? When we unconditionally accept others we share the earth with, we’re accepting all they have offer. It doesn’t mean we’re buying everything the a$$holes that inhabit the habitable say, it just means we’re not trying to pretend they don’t exist.
As a writer and author, I realized long ago that I must “kill my darlings,” but I’m just now realizing that once written and published, the work is no longer mine. The reader owns it now. I was reminded of this when I told a friend my subject matter, and she went in a whole other direction in her interpretation of what I was writing. Was she wrong? Of course not. That’s her take and I have mine. My take can and will evolve over time, as will hers.
I see a flaw in your cole slaw, Sutty. Really? I think I know where you’re going with this. The other day, I saw a quote on Instagram. It referred to the hand-wringing the Boomers would have over my generation being obsessed with playing video games and watching too much TV. Now, that same Boomer generation is doing what they feared their children would by unconditionally accepting everything Fox News spews. I would change “Fox News,” in this context to mainstream media rather than just Fox News, but you feel me. My response is we never don’t have free will to decide how we want to accept something or someone.
By the way, if you’re reading this column on the reg, or it speaks to you now, you’re likely the healer of your family. Accept that to test its accuracy. It’s so tempting to try to help others. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, but regardless of your religious leanings there’s a reason for Bible verses such as Matthew 7:5. “…remove the beam from thine own eye so you may see clearly to remove the beam from thy brother’s eye. (Paraphrasing from memory there…)
It occurs to me that the opposite of acceptance is resistance. What does that look like to you? What we resist persists! I know, I hear a nana, nana, boo, boo with an “up yours” gesture with that trite saying, too. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean it’s not true. Alas, axioms are axioms for a reason.
I say we must allow those “angels” to die for the greater good. How often have you found that what you perceived something to be was so far off the mark, that it’s embarrassing? Remember, you’re not pulling the trigger, you’re accepting that there is another way—another reality.
So, as we head into this holiday season that tends to bring many uncomfortable issues to the surface, try accepting these issues instead. Let this acceptance inform you of how you choose to spend your time, not just the holidays, but life beyond. For time is the only true commodity any of us truly own.
