laplumeDear L. A. Plume,

In the dating world these days it seems that women want to be heard, while men want to express their feminine side. How do we know who pays, who walks whom to the car or door, without offending someone’s sensibilities?



Dear Pat,

Men walk women to the door, men open doors, men pay. That’s it. Let’s be real here – women have let men get away with far too much freedom and too few responsibilities. It’s time they got back on top of their game.

L. A. Plume



Dear Ms. Plume,

Where have all the cowboys gone? What about the poetry, the lyrics, the innuendos, the art of seduction, in short – the romance? Texting, tweeting, friending – what is that? Something just short of forgetting, ignoring, oblivion, impersonalization? I want chocolates, flowers, conversation, flirting; party dresses and bow ties. I met a man whom I’d been chatting with online the other day at a coffee shop. He was dressed in jogging clothes… had, in fact, just been for a jog. So there we are, first “date,” me dressed nicely, he sans shower and smelling like a… well, I’ll leave that to your imagination. How can I get the point across?



Dear Kate,

Unfortunately I don’t have an Uncle Ernie whom I can introduce you to. If you are going to cast your line into the pool of online dating sites, no one can be responsible for who/what takes the bait. Perhaps you need to refine your search – check out: And learn to hone your skills on a dating advice website:, where you can attain such invaluable knowledge as: “Learn the secret to mastering the 15 ‘Make-or-Break Moments’ in your relationship that determine whether your man falls more deeply in love with you or leaves. In this program, I’ll teach you exactly what to do and say in each of these 15 critical moments, laid out in exact steps and how-to techniques.”  I’m not sure if you’ll have to have your reference notes written on the inside of your wrist so you can be sure you don’t get Moment #4: “The First Date” confused with how to react if you’re experiencing Moment #8: Making The Long-Term Commitment Together.”  And the author has oodles of other catchy e-books for the very reasonable price of about $99 each. But then again, what price can be put on love?



Dear L. A. Plume,

How I can get my man to dress better? He won’t take me shopping with him when he buys clothes and I don’t like what he chooses for himself. He’s a nice guy, but the sneakers and Speedos at the beach just have to go away. I’m not quite sure yet if he’s “the one” for me so I don’t want to spend my money buying him clothes, but I really don’t want to sit next to him when we go out because he just doesn’t have any taste. Can you help?



Dear Rags,

I do believe your questions regarding fashion would be much better addressed to our very own Fashion Granny column. She has a much better grasp on this kind of thing than I do. While you’re at it – you might want to check with her about what age women should stop wearing tube tops out in public.

L.A. Plume

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