Author: L.A. Plume

Dear L. A. Plume,I have a Valentine’s Day dilemma; I have a wonderful partner of many years who loves to give gifts at the drop of a hat BUT he is a really bad gift giver. It seems that absolutely no thought whatsoever goes into his gift giving process. Last year for Valentine’s Day he gave me a set of six pink camo beer coozies and a matching pair of rubber boots.

As Christmas, New Years Eve, the end of one year, and the beginning of another all coincided within a week recently, I had a chance to think about generosity. The concept of etiquette is that we behave politely and respectfully to others, and the rules of etiquette are the structure in which that can occur.

Dear Readers,With the holidays on our heels, there are all sorts of questions and situations that arise for which we would like to have some good counsel. Unfortunately, not every question has an answer. If a couple breaks up and they have been invited to a party, who chooses which one comes if they aren’t comfortable together?

Dear Ms. Plume,We have invited some business associates to our home for dinner and I want to make sure I set the table correctly. I found a book that has a diagram of where and how the silverware is placed, but I am unsure of where to put the napkin; does it go to the left of the plate or on the plate? I’ve seen it done both ways at people’s homes as well as in restaurants. Thank you.Patricia

Dear L. A. Plume, I was out with an associate the other evening and his table manners were less than sterling. In addition to that, he was loud and opinionated. I could see the questioning glances aimed in my direction, but he is an important person in my professional life so I socialize with him for business reasons when necessary. Are people going to judge me by his behavior?Lolla

Dear L. A. Plume,I heard through a third party that someone we both know thought I was rude to them by ignoring something they said. I simply didn’t hear them. I was wondering why this person had basically stopped speaking to me and now I know why, but the intervening person was asked not to tell me. What kind of nonsense is that and is there anything I can do?Marge

Dear Ms. Plume,I have an issue with a friend who talks incessantly and with her mouth full of food. I don’t want to see that food once it leaves her plate – in her mouth, or spittled out around her face. Is there any way to politely suggest she finish chewing and then continue the conversation? Whatever she has to say is not so earth-shattering that it can’t wait. Help, please.Ginny

Dear Ms. Plume,Will your work never be done? Friends of many years recently used my apartment in the city. They proudly told me they had rearranged my furniture for me and purchased a toaster. But I liked my furniture where it was and I never eat toast. On my next visit to the city I put the furniture back where it belongs. They did ask if they might use the apartment again but I have forgotten to reply.Mr. X

Dear L. A. Plume,I’m fond of going out and listening to all the wonderful music we have around Beaufort, and I’ve noticed that the musicians all have tip jars. What is the protocol for tipping them? Aren’t they paid by the establishments where they play? How much of a tip is appropriate?Betsey

Dear L. A. Plume, I recently went on a road trip with a friend; we were invited to stay at her mother’s beach house for a few days along the way. I had never met her mother but her house was in a beautiful, exclusive enclave, and, best of all – it was free!