What would you say if I told you there are far fewer victims than you’ve been led to believe? A victim can never recover. This notion is taught in recovery. But what does it really mean?
Crocodile tears await their command to distract and dissemble. Double down if the person is attractive. Approach with caution, for they are quick to anger when confronted regarding the dung they flung. Fear not, for mea culpa is right around the corner. “Sorry about that, it just wasn’t me. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Oh yes, it was sooo you. A shady shadow came over you, is what.”
“But you just don’t understand my angst. All I’ve been through.” Right there is some truth. After all, the best lies are cloaked with truth. J.R. Ewing teaches us to, “Never tell the truth when a good lie will do,” right? Hilarious when the greatest fictional TV villain of all time says it, but reality is not set on Southfork. These victims probably have been through stuff. We all have our crosses to bear, to one extent or the next, they just choose not to handle their s***.
A classic example is of someone coming from a challenging youth and becoming a successful adult, while another from a good family upbringing never enters the arena of adulthood.
Let’s go ahead and make the necessary disclaimer here: The victims I refer to in this column are those that choose to wallow and continually look to use their victimhood to defer, deflect, and deny any and all toxic behavior. I am drawing the line here between those people and real victims. These are the people that need compassion for horrific holistic damages done. I’ll let y’all fill in the blanks there with whatever traumas just popped in your head.
Wise ones scatter like the scalded dawgs you made them into.
All who wonder are lost.
It’s always something, isn’t it?
Pensive is the hand that rocks the cradle of our collective, or, at least, it should be. Again, mindfulness, like victims, assumes many forms.
If you see yourself in some of these words, that’s good. It’s progress to have any form of self-awareness. Never let anyone fault you for that. It’s okay to be scared. We all are. Take this as an opportunity to cease being lazy with your emotional health. It’s okay if you’ve always been a shoulder looking for a chip or you’ve always sought a shoulder to soak. All things end, and this season as a martyr can, too. Be someone else’s survival manual.
But it was so easy that way. Was it really? Isn’t it exhausting being so put upon all the time? Sure, and there are more ways than one of interpreting what the term ill-gotten gains means. Gamble all you like with your own time, just endeavor to leave others out of the crap-shoot.
My last column, The Dunning-Kruger Effect, put victim mentality on my horizon for subject matter. I promise to be less tedious for my next entry. The soap box is slippery from all the tears. That said, I will always maintain that it’s freeing to know what not to do or who to avoid. While that will likely always be my perspective to one degree or the next, there are still other venues to mindfulness—to surrounding yourself with the best.
Ways to suss out faux victims include, but are not limited to: Zero responsibility taken, but plenty of blame dealt out. Always powerless and never failing to keep score, while denying any silver lining in a given situation. Observe their eyes glazing over when you point out the positive. So much self-pity, it’s pitiful. Empathy, what’s that like? “Stop me if I told you about getting effed over a decade ago.” Nothing ever changes, does it? Again, be wary, constructive criticism might mean they won’t speak to you for a while. Consider yourself lucky for the respite, it may make you consider retiring from this tiring person. You’re not wrong to think such thoughts.
There are seraphic people that light up a room when walk in. Their smiles always brighten our day. If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice the difference between sunshine with a cool breeze and those that suck all the air out of the room with their vortex of doom. Both are captivating, only one is refreshing—not exhausting.
So, I’ll end with my beginning. Set phasers to stun. We don’t want to permanently damage anyone, do we? Yes, I want to be pleasantly stunned, not just surprised at the sea-change in our collective when we practice mindfulness daily. It all starts with “little ole me.”
