Start Over! Start Now!
Dear Aunt Bossy,
I am in dire straits. Nothing is right in my life. I don’t deserve what has happened to me. The worst part is that there is nothing I can do to change things.
My husband left me with two young kids and pathetic child support. I gave up dreams of a career in Public Relations to be a stay at home mom, and now I am being punished.
Christmas is coming up, which makes things even worse. What can I tell my children? My family says I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I don’t have a friend or family member in the world who will help me. My only hope is to find a man who will take care of us, but so far I have only found guys interested in having fun.
Firstly, let’s talk about the most important thing, the children. Here is what you tell them: “Kids, I know we all love each other and we are going through a tough time because we have no one to rely on but ourselves. We need a plan for the long term, but right now we need a plan for Christmas. We will do it the old-fashioned way. Let’s go to the library and find ideas for ordinary things, like pine cones from the park, that we can make into decoration and gifts, and we will come home and bake some cookies and make each other presents. We will figure out something creative to use as a tree and decorate it. On Christmas day, just to remind ourselves of how much better off we are than some people, we will go to the shelter or church where really poor people are having dinner and we will help feed them and maybe even join them for dinner. “
No excuses, no apologies, no reference to what the “neighbors” are doing.
Then, you get to work. While you are at the library, get “Start Over! Start Now!” by Jamie Wolf. I will also send you a copy so you will have a reference book. It is your turn to start over, and this book, plus dedication, is all you need.
“Start Over! Start Now!” gives you a step-by-step program to get your life back on track, no matter the circumstances. You might say, “That won’t work for me.” Wrong again, my dear. Here is proof:
Ask yourself these questions:
• Have I ever founded a company, only to be cheated out of the entire enterprise by my husband?
• Have I ever had to live in my car for months on end?
• Have I ever had a child with a life threatening illness for whom I had to find a solution?
• Have I ever had to forget that I founded a company and had a six-figure income and take a job as an entry-level clerk?
• Have I ever lost my child to an evil spouse because I couldn’t match him in legal fees?
Your answers are surely “no.” Jamie Wolf has done all of these things and has lived to thrive, make money, re-marry a wonderful man, and write a guide so that others can turn their lives around , too. Anyone.
Is this going to be easy? No. Will it be fast? No. Will it work? Yes.
Start reading “Start Over! Start Now! “ Today.
You may have noticed that I ignored your comment about finding a man. That idea is about as sensible as counting on the lottery to make you rich. I would also suggest you take a clear look at why you don’t have friends and family who will help and “Start Over! Start Now!” with building supportive relationships. If you are religious, join a church. If not, find a community group where you can help out. The steps in Jamie’s book apply to any situation.
There is only one person who can save you. Take a look in the mirror and get going. The minute you get a bit of cash, sign up for Jamie’s workbooks to motivate you and keep you on track.
Common Sense: Blaming other people, or life, is pointless.
Good Manners: It is really bad manners to load up your children with worry.
Discipline: It will take constant disciplined decision making to get yourself on the road to success and happiness.
Dear Aunt Bossy,
I like to send my clients a little something, but don’t want to make them feel like I am “buying” them. What can I send for a Christmas/Holiday present that is memorable, but not guilt inducing?
Here is an easy one: Send them each a DVD of your favorite movie, or a CD of your favorite music. Wrap it beautifully, and put a note attached to the gift card saying what it is and giving them permission to re-gift it if it is not to their taste or if they already have it.
You will be giving them one of two things: a present they really love that reminds them of you, or an easy way to fulfill an obligation to give someone else a gift, which will also remind them of you. Win/win.
If you happen to be the recipient of the re-gift, take them off your list.
Common Sense: It really is the thought that counts.
Good Manners: Thoughtfulness is the ultimate way to pay attention to others.
Discipline: This doesn’t take much.
Aunt Bossy is Susan Murphy, an internationally known Communication Skills Coach who adores spending every winter and spring in Beaufort. Ask for advice @ Bossymurph@mac.com.